Have you ever taken the time to ask a group of children what it means to Obey?  You may be shocked a the response you get…   

I have observed two things over the years when addressing the area of discipline in children’s ministry. The first is that most children do not understand the meaning of obedience or the impact that it can have on their lives, and the second is that most adults do not take the time to explain the importance of choosing to obey or disobey.

Rarely do we effectively teach children what the bible has to day regarding obedience. Instead, we demand obedience by ruling with an iron fist or resort to controlling children with candy and prizes, to get them to act the way we think they should. (Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that candy and prizes should be band… just kept in balance.)

Lets take a moment to “think out of the box”…What if we took the time to teach children the principles of obedience and then gave them the opportunity to choose to obey or disobey? At this point you may be thinking I have sprayed one to many cans of silly string… All I ask is that you hear me out.

Let’s begin by taking a look at how God deals with us.

Have you ever read anywhere in the bible where God “forced” a man or woman to follow Him or do His will by threatening them?  He played a major part in influencing their decision but never once did he say “Do it or else!”  No one in the bible obeyed God out of pure fear of what God might do to them if they said no. The choice was left up to Saul to change his ways, Samson was not forced to walk according to God’s plan for his life (and most of the time he chose not to), Moses could have chosen to stay in the desert, and Esther could have kept her mouth shut. God still would have loved them and would have done all that they allowed Him to do in their lives. What we need to help children understand is that when these people chose to obey God was able to do awesome things through them. This affected their lives, and the lives of many others.  

God is able to move in powerful ways when we choose to obey.

• Saul became Paul and wrote more than half of the New Testament, which is read by billions of people around the world. Today we base a major part of our Christianity on the words God inspired him to write.

• Samson leaves us wondering how much greater his impact could have been, had he been obedient to God’s instructions instead of following the desires of his flesh. Was his life only half lived? Did he die before his time?

• The events that took place in Moses’ life prove that God can move in awesome ways when He has a man or woman who is willing to obey Him. What God did through Moses is an inspiration to anyone who is bold enough to believe that anything is possible when we choose to obey God and follow His plan for our lives.

• At the moment Esther chose to have the courage to obey God she had no idea how many women, young and old, would read about her and be inspired to also do great things for God, not to mention the fact that she saved the lives of many people and helped her uncle get a better job!

Through all of these examples we never see God demanding or bribing anyone. He simply let them know what He wanted them to do and then left the choice up to them weather or not to choose obey His will or choose to follow their own. Those who chose to obey where richly blessed and God’s anointing and His hand of protection was evident in their lives, this is where the incentive comes in :o). Those who chose not to follow God’s plan and obey His instructions and plan for their lives where faced with loosing their joy and peace, and paid the price of disobedience, having to live with the consequences of their choices.

I have explained to children that to obey means to do what you are asked, by someone in authority, as long as it is something good. I also explain that true obedience is when you can obey right away, all the way, in a cheerful way.  How much more could children accomplish for God if they are able to learn obedience to His will at a young age. How much heartache can we help them avoid by helping them understand the importance and benefits of obeying to God? The choice is yours. You can either continue to deal with discipline the way you always have or you can read on to find out how to disciple as you discipline.

• To Disciple – When you help children understand why they need
                      to obey (Teaching through instruction – using the
                      Bible) 

• To Discipline – When you help children understand how to obey                           (Training through correction – using cause and effect)

Discipleship gives children a reason to say no to what is wrong and discipline teaches them how to gain self-control (being able to stop themselves from making wrong choices because they do not want to face the consequences that follow).

So where do you begin?

Taking on the task of teaching children the importance of obedience is a courageous task to say the least.

The first step you will want to take, do this effectively, is to do some self-evaluation:

What is our reason for wanting children to obey?

Do we truly want them to grasp the truth of how important obedience is in our walk with God? Or do we simply want them to “sit still” so we can finish our lesson in peace.

Would you be able to sit through one of your services and not be bored?

Many times we expect children to behave in environments that are not child friendly. For example, we are asked to place a wide age range of children (5 years – 13 years) in a large or small room that is under staffed. Then we teach a lesson that is geared for either the older or younger group but does not reach both. Many times we do not have rules or guidelines set in place that we are asking them to obey, and when we do we fail to review them.  Don’t get me wrong… I’ve been in this possession and my motto is where there’s a will there’s a way! But I also know that it’s a lot tougher to minister in this type of environment. If there is anyway possible to improve it by separating younger from older, recruiting more volunteers, or planning the lesson so that you are able to reach all age groups, then make that your goal.

Do we react or respond when they disobey?

Did you know that there is a difference between responding and reacting? Peter reacted on impulse and out of anger by cutting the servants ear off, Jesus responded in wisdom and out of love by healing it (Luke 22:49-51). Which do you do when challenged by rebellious children? Are we willing to admit to our mistakes and change our way of thinking?

It takes a really honest and humble person to admit that what you are doing may not be working and that change is needed. It takes a very persistent and strong person to renew their way of thinking.

How much time, patience, and effort (not to mention blood, sweat, and tears) are we willing to invest into this?

At this point you have to decide if you are in this for the long haul. Can you love them unconditionally, patiently, and consistently? Will you take the time to disciple them when they “try” you. Can you face the fact that you may never see the fruits of your labor; it may be years before the seeds you plant come to harvest. Most of all are you willing to practice what you preach in your everyday walk with Christ?

The second step is to lay down a foundation for why it is important to obey. Then teach the children what the bible has to say about obedience and disobedience. Once you have done this then you will want to decide what the blessings or consequences will be according to the choice made by each child.  This could be based on the same principles as those used by God:

Obedience brings blessings & protection

We grow closer to God & stronger in our walk

God is able to trust us and we can do great things for Him

                            _____________

Sin separates us from God and we give place to the devil

We need to repent, start over again, and overcome regrets and hurts

We loose our peace or joy, and we have to live with the consequences of our    disobedience.

There are many examples in the bible of people who obeyed and disobeyed God. You could take five minutes, before going over the rules and guidelines, to teach on what it means to obey through a simple object lesson, puppet skit or game. Or you could take a quarter to teach in it, (I feel a curriculum coming on…).

Third Step will be to establish some basic rules and guidelines that you will ask the children to choose to obey while at the church, then decide what the blessings or consequences will be according to the choices they make.

Lets look at an example of this in a Kids Church setting:

It’s Sunday morning and service has started. You begin by going over the basic rules. They go something like this:

Stay in your seat unless given permission to get up

Pay attention when we are teaching,

Respect others and the church

Have an awesome time

You could begin by telling them they will be given the choice to obey the rules or do what they want to do. Follow up by pointing out the benefits of obeying the rules:

• Those who obey can be trusted to help in all the activities, games, skits, and object lessons

• They are preparing themselves for God to be able to trust them and do great things through them

• God will allow blessings to come that they cannot even imagine.

Then you cover the consequences for not obeying the rules:

• Missing out on helping with various tasks and blessings

• Not being able to participate in the various activities because they will be separated from the group to the point of sitting in main service with adults

• Disobedience also separates us from God

• God is not able to work through those who choose to disobey

After that, you leave the choice up to them. You have given them the freedom to choose weather or not they will obey or disobey realizing they will be responsible for the outcome.  

The Fourth Step is to this keep the following tips in mind:

• If necessary, inform your pastor or leadership of the church of what you are about to do.

• Make sure your service is interesting and age appropriate

• Make sure you have trained adult workers in place who know what you want to accomplish, will to assist in enforcing the rules and follow through with the consequences.

• Communicate with the parents about what you are doing. Include the basic rules and guidelines that children will be asked to follow during service.

• Be prepared to meet “face to face” with some of the parents, and be ready to practice your “love walk” while standing firm to your rules and guidelines.

• e consistent. Be consistent. Be consistent.

There will be the few that try you. (Yes, the ones that came to mind as you read this article.) Do not give up, throw the towel in, or back down.

It may take a few weeks or even months for them to realize you mean what you say, and then they will either line up or find themselves sitting in main service with an adult for a few weeks. Either way, you have taught them the principle that they have to live with the consequences of choosing to disobey. And let’s not forget the ones that do obey, for them the lesson will be sweet, when they are chosen for special service because they know how to obey directions and when “unexpected” blessings come their way, (from you and others), because they have chosen a life of obedience. They will learn that obedience opens up the door of blessings in their lives and allows God to work through them in awesome ways.

Would you not agree that it would be better for children to learn this principle in a church or small group setting? In a place where they can stumble and fall (and they will) in a controlled environment, surrounded by adults that love them and can instill God’s principles into their lives?

The other alternative would be to continue ruling with an iron fist or to continue to make deals with them so that they will be good during your lesson. The outcome being, when they are old enough they will go out into the world, only to continue to disobey authority in an uncontrolled environment where they will rarely find understanding from others. The end result being that they will face a life of frustration with the possibility of never fulfilling God’s plan for their lives.

What an awesome Mission awaits you should you choose to accept!